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Ashley Grigsby

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[22 Dec 2010|12:44am]

follow me :)
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[10 Feb 2009|05:46pm]
all of the entries below you should forget about.

things changed in a really funny way.
plus i have a new livejournal.
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christmas [19 Dec 2008|05:51pm]
it is six days until christmas, how very exciting. this is the first christmas with my parents separated. i'm sitting at sweetbay by creekmore. my mom & paul are taking trav and haley to ride the train and look around the park at all the lights. i'm very bloated and it sucks. there's two little boys in here looiking at me. it's cute. i'm really high. i'd like to stand in line and get some coffee but i'll wait on andrew. he betta hurry! i'm wearing such a bad ass shirt, i guess monday i'll go get my warrant shit cleared up and find out my court date.
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[12 Dec 2008|07:59am]
woke up crying
to my mom, we fought like we usually do.

the same old, the same old.

i sound like a broken record...

no you just don't understand there is NO WAY on hell you could possibly understand. striking a nerve she cries too. you've refused to conform to any normality ashley why won't you just fucking suck it up and do what everyone else has to do. you're not going to make it in the real world. it sucks that i have to live my life this way, depression eats up your motivation but then happiness covers your depression up which makes you forget about your lack of motivation so sitting and not doing a damn thing becomes the only thing in my life that is constant, it's my new norm. so since it's the norm, it must be alright, right? just to me, i guess. my mom just watches me rot, digging myself a bigger fucking hole everytime. it must suck to the be observer. i'm fine, my head is too cloudy not to be fine.

i hope i can trip in fayetteville tonight with andrew, devon and nate.
maybe it'll get my mind off things, or on them.

i'm going to sleep for a little longer, then clean my room till it shines.
ugh andrew better wake up before 3.
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sunday [07 Dec 2008|11:24pm]

just like every other sunday, most of the events that occur i quickly forget. i don't know what i am going to ramble on about this time. i spent the day with the usual crowd: andrew, laken, marshall, and caitlin. devon, nathan, zach rabbit and his girlfriend lauren came over around 8. nathan ended up getting drunk, i think devon was pretty fucked up too. i teased andrew a lot about his weight today and i feel bad about it now. i don't think he's fat at all, not even a little bit. he's just straight up cute. i have a runny nose and like marcus would say, "i think i've got the wiffles". it's andrew's fault i'm sick, damn him. i could never get mad at him, though. :) i'm still really high right now, i just ate a sandwich. i feel like i have eaten so much today, but i really haven't. i guess i'm just making up for the breakfast i missed; actually caitlin and andrew both missed breakfast too. we all didn't wake up until around 1 in the afternoon.

i have to go to bellpoint in the morning, oh gosh...not looking forward to that.

oh and i made a christmas list: right hereCollapse )

f this s [06 Dec 2008|02:11pm]
someone at southside narc'd me out so now i'm suspended for 10 days going to bellpoint.
my grades are going to go downhill, i'm probably going to have to suck 20 dicks to pass this semester. wish me good luck when i return to school on the 16th, that's the day before semester tests which i have no idea what will be on them. awesome! other than that, my mom's really disappointed in me and i'm in trouble off and on. yesterday was a cool day, i guess. i spent the morning with andrew then slept in till nathan and devon called me to hang. we went over to marshall and laken's house. we all watched nathan get shitfaced and had a pretty good time eating spicy cheese dip and watching stepbrothers. devon, nathan and i stayed the night at andrew's house. i'm glad nathan drove better this time.

i don't know what i'm doing tonight, i'm not even sure if i'm allowed to do anything...damn. i want to get high, that's for sure. but that's going to happen either way.
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thankshgivingsh [27 Nov 2008|02:49pm]

it's thanksgiving today, and i already ate. i actually ate almost three hours ago, it was all very good. i tried asparagus for my first time, i thought i wasn't going to like it but i ended up really liking it. nathan, andrew and marshall are on their way over here right now from the park. last night was the best wednesday i think i've ever had. it consisted of hanging out at my place, meeting paige, sneaking in devon and andrew, killing that bottle of captain morgan, doing ciggarettes (haha), and just really having a good time with good company. tuesday was andrew's 20th birthday too, it wasn't as cool as i wanted it to be but i think he had a good time. a mini surprise party, beerin' it up at andrew's, then chuck-e-cheese. i'm glad caitlin didn't get fired from all of our craziness.

there's probably a lot of typos in this but i'm about to wash my hair and i don't feel like correcting them at the moment.
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[23 Nov 2008|11:06pm]
well, this weekend was really really good.
i spent all of it with andrew and his friends. at first i felt awkward hanging out with his friends, because i was too worried about whether or not they liked me. but i think they do, which is really exciting. although we didn't do much when we were all together, whatever we decided to do ended up being a lot of fun.
ice cream, toys-r-us, wrestling, movies, sleeping.

i just came in the house not too long ago, after marshall, laken, and andrew left; marcus and aaron came over and smoked a blunt with me. i'm feeling pretty good since i already smoked with tito. i almost have a headache, i think from the combination of staring at the screen and this bob dylan song. oh shit, i just remembered i only have to go to school monday and tuesday! tuesday is andrew's birthday and thanksgiving is on thursday, gosh such a good week i'm anxious. i'm glad my sleeping schedule isn't that messed up right now, i think i'll wake up on time in the morning.

ah, so happy.
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[19 Nov 2008|10:29pm]
today was strange. it started off decent but i hardly got any sleep last night so that might be the cause of the decreasing levels of happiness throughout today. i got hassled over dumb things at school, forgot my books. and came to the realization that i am the worst student ever.

the only good things that happened at school were:
1. dropping out of CA1 for another study hall
2. painting in mrs. tomlin's room instead of sitting in study hall
and 3. getting the fake love letter in arkansas history

after school was alright, aaron gave me a ride home but first we went on this mission to find out where all the smoke was coming from. turns out, it was from the dump. not as exciting as we had hoped. andrew is in fayetteville all day today and got back not too long ago. i highly doubt he'll stay the night he's probably sleepy. which is understandable, i've been sleepy for the past week practically.

i completely forgot to mention i dyed my hair dark brown, i don't know if i like it yet.
it's like this, 80% of me likes it, and then the other 20% is unsure/not really feelin' it so much.


[18 Nov 2008|11:47pm]
i almost never update this anymore. i got arrested about a month ago with colt, tito and michael. tito and colt got to drive away but michael and i had to go to jail. they took my bridge piercing out. i can't believe michael took the blame for my pipe, i felt so terrible and happy at the same time. man, i'm realizing how much i have to say but i don't feel like typing it all out. i've been hanging with caitlin smith a lot, she's one of the only cool girls around here i can really chill with often. i drove to kansas with her and met her boyfriend and all his friends. i even tripped that weekend. uuuuuh, i don't even know. i dropped biology. still no job, or car. i've met so many people. i have a boyfriend now, and no it's not michael. i swear, for the longest time people thought i was dating him, but oh were they mistaken. anyway, his name is andrew and his birthday is on the 25th! i'm taller than him, and he's like the indiest boy in fort smith. i miss him already, my bed isn't the same without him in it. he's in fayetteville hanging out with friends. i hope he comes home tomorrow.
ugh yeah! i'm lame now! lame and happy.
oh and real quick: colt, andrew and i made my very first gravity bong last night.

[13 Oct 2008|11:55am]
i'm really sick right now, very very very sick. i can hardly speak.
i've missed so much school, it sucks. i hope i don't get in too much trouble for not going.
but fuck! this has been a hard year for me. moving here from san diego, having no one, i hated that the most. i was going to school, feeling like a wanderer with nowhere to go except the next period.

but on a happier note, i'm in a good mood overall. even if i am disgustingly sick. michael is on his way over here to take care of my sick ass, he's really the best. i look like absolute shit, but i don't even care. i hope he makes soup.
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[21 Sep 2008|08:38pm]
i feel like i haven't been expressing myself lately as much as i usually do. just recently i bought a sketch pad/book-type thing and i've been doodling in it off and on. during school mostly, for some reason it's really hard for me to draw when i'm at my house. i need a drawing spot. where i can just sit and draw comfortably. i don't know.

i'm really happy with my life at the moment, for once i feel like i actually have some control on what goes on and what doesn't go on. my mom and i have a great relationship now that everything is on the table and she knows i know and i know she knows and paul knows she knows i know and she knows paul knows that she knows about me. it's all very confusing but mostly awesome. cannabis is finally accepted in my home. so yeah, that's home life for me. it's great.

my social life has been good too, i've made a lot of new friends lately. i kind of have a crush, but i'm not too sprung over anything. oh shit, i went to the fair for the first time ever with cory. it was so crowded and i was not nearly as high as i wanted to be (until we left) i still had a lot of fun though, and i still don't know why aaron gave me 50 bucks but i'm not complaining. i was so stoked, he's tight. his daughter is cute, i met her for my first time too.

[20 Sep 2008|01:14pm]
i befriended the wrong people apparently, so bryan kept his word and no longer speaks to me.
hm, good riddance.

[09 Sep 2008|01:21am]
my bridge is totally infected.
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[07 Sep 2008|06:47pm]
i'm sitting next to bryan on my couch, and we both drank way too much last night.
he drank in some other town, called me and threatened to jump into the ocean. drunk dialed me, told me how much he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend again, etc. it was depressing.
i myself, however, spent my drunk night at bobby's apartment drinking with them and these three girls i just met. i threw up in a walmart bag in nathan's room and then tomas picked me up and took me home where i had to ring the doorbell and wake up my mom to get in. i was so fucked up, how embarrassing.

[03 Sep 2008|08:39am]
i hate going to school, i'm always alone.

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[30 Aug 2008|10:22pm]
i'm feeling so much better since the last time i posted. that kid i snuck out to meet, levi, was so so cool. he showed me these really beautiful places around town, and we went to a graveyard. it was like 2 AM when all of this went down so it was pretty scary. i showed him this really freaky statue at this park, it freaked him out. it's really fucking weird looking. i discovered it back when i was just getting to know bryan. anyway, the cops came while we were at the park and i was afraid we were going to get into trouble for curfew, but thankfully we were just told to leave because the park was closed. after that i think we just drove around and he took me home. the next day he picked me up from school and hung out at my place. bryan stopped by that day and it was extremely awkward, it didn't have to be but you know how that goes...
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"this feeling used to pass" [28 Aug 2008|01:19am]
i'm not doing so well anymore, i mean i am, but i'm not. i broke down and cried today on the phone with my mom at my aunt's house. i should stop taking my brother's medication, i don't like how it's making me feel. i'm not going to go on with this, because it's over now and i'm okay...but i just need some time to think. and i need to meet more people since the friends i have hardly ever see me anymore. i also need a job. and my permit. i hope i get ungrounded this weekend.

i'm going to sneak out to meet some kid named levi.

[24 Aug 2008|06:33pm]

things have truly changed from the last time i updated. the summer has come to an end, along with summer relationships. school has started, and mistakes have been made. i feel a little less like myself for some reason. i'm alone in the halls, and i don't feel any need to make friends. i just want to graduate early and move away. i don't want to be here forever. i don't want to get stuck. i'm not going to let myself either. december is so close, i can almost taste it. i don't know why my dogs are barking right now, but i'm too focused to get up and check for myself. my mom and her boyfriend are here, great. i just remembered i have a paper to write about malcom x, and education. shitty.

my bridge is crooked, but it's pretty cool that my mom let me get it done.
i've been smoking so much lately, not that i dislike getting high or anything, but i wish there was more to do here.
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[05 Jul 2008|02:29pm]
i haven't been on a computer in a very long time. i've been in arkansas for like, two weeks and i'm still in culture shock. i can't imagine how much fun i'd be having in san diego right now, but instead i'm sleeping till 3 in the afternoon sulking friendless. shit's weak.
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